You're sticking what, where?!

The machine kicked to life and began doing its magic.  At first I saw no difference.  Helen began rubbing the body with a dish washing sponge.  She added a little soap to the body and continued the assault with the scrubby side.  Although it seemed painful I began noticing a change in the body.  The slimy dead skin was coming off, the tissues were beginning to appear as if they had color back in them and the person began to look like they were full of life.  It was weird.  The embalming fluid was penetrating the tissues and giving it the pink color our blood usually does.  Helen scrubbing so vigorously on the body was working like the heart pumping and valves working, moving the fluid throughout the body.  Helen then pulled out two small plastic half moons with little hooks on them like a cheese grater.  Those were eye caps.  Eye caps are placed under both lids to keep the shape of the eye since fluids settle and sink into the body.  She grabbed an 's' shaped needle and some white thread.  She used this to suture through the nostrils into the mouth, in the bottom jaw and finished back in the nostril to tie the mouth shut.  With the eyes and mouth now closed the person was beginning to look like they were sleeping peacefully.  I asked how long the process usually took and Helen said if it's a 'one-pointer' it can take as little as 45 minutes.  A one-pointer means that they only have the one incision by the clavicle to embalm.  If someone has a fairly healthy circulatory system them blood-flow goes everywhere, arms, hands, legs, feet etc.  If someone has a blockage somewhere, say they are diabetic and have poor circulation in their feet, then the embalmer my have to open a secondary artery.  If the feet don't receive fluid they have the option of opening an artery in the groin or the shin or even the ankle area to try to shoot fluid down to that extremity.  Each opening they make adds a point to the case.  So if they had to make both clavicle (neck) incisions, both femoral (groin) incisions and both radial (wrists)  incisions then they are a six-pointer with six incisions on the body.  How do you know when they are done?  Well, Helen had the perfect timer.  She never opened the vein of the body while embalming unless absolutely necessary.  Doing that caused pressure to build-up in the circulatory system with both blood and embalming fluid trying to fill the spaces.  This caused every open space for blood to fill and expand.... yes, that means with men she knew they were done when they got an erection.  The 'turkey-timer method' she used.  I laughed thinking she was joking at first but shortly the fluid began doing its job and the turkey timer was inching its way to done.  After all the fluid was in Helen opened up the vein and let a little of the blood to flow out.  Once she just started getting fluid she tied up the vein, removed the cannula and tied up the artery.  She did a final wipe down of the body and began towel drying them.  After they were dried, she grabbed a bottle of medical super-glue.  All of the leaks got a coating of glue.  If there is an iv site it would keep oozing because of the lack of clotting factor after death so a drop of super-glue would seal those leaks.  A small amount was also placed along the lip line to keep it closed and the eye lids to seal them shut.  Then came the disturbing part.  She pulled out a very large needle looking object.  Longer than my forearm and thicker than a sharpie this was a trocar.  The trocar is plunged deep into the abdomen slightly higher and off-center of the belly button to puncture all the organs and remove as much fluid as possible in the abdominal and chest cavities.  Ash she fanned the trocar upwards and downwards a clear suction tube attached to the end was pulling red, brown, yellow and clear fluids through the tubing out of site.  As much fluid as possible has to be removed to help preserve the body.  Fluids left inside will only decompose and start to break the body down faster.  Once she was happy with what she got out she grabbed two bottle of DriCav and attached them to a yellow rubber tube that took the place of the clear tubing.  The DriCav is a very strong embalming chemical that preserves tissues greatly.  She pulled out the trocar and screwed in a small white, plastic button that sealed the hole.  Embalming was complete on this case.